The One With The Instructor Course

Well HELLOOOOO there! (Say it in the Mrs. Doubtfire voice)

The fact that you’re reading this means one of two things: (1) you’re one of the 10 people actually keeping up with Far Away Fi, or (2) you were on this trip with me, which means I tagged you on Facebook, haha. I KNOW WHO YOU ARE. Okay?

Sooooo, let me start this blog off by apologizing. First, I want to apologize to you, dear reader, as again, I haven’t written in a long time. And by “dear reader”, I mean those 10 people that keep up with me. Not you, Korny.

Second, I would like to apologize to karma, as my ONE new year’s resolution was to not procrastinate as badly as in 2018, and oh my, it may have gotten worse. Well, there’s always next year … I guess … We’ll see … Okay?

Mozambique

Today, I tell you the story of my time in Mozambique. Tofo, Mozambique, to be exact. For the month of October (yes, I realize October was 8 months ago), I was learning how to be a dive instructor. The wonderful team of Liquid Dive Family stuck up with me for a month. Seven guys and I took the course and spent every second together for about two weeks. Yes, you read that right, seven GUYS. Now, let’s dive into this story, so I can get back to procrastinating (dive into the story, get it? Korny, I know. And that, Korny, is how you use the word “korny”).

Let’s Start at the Very Beginning

A very good place to start. Okay?

So, I arrive at the dive shop after I’ve just traveled for 24 hours. Okay, so I’m gross, disgusting, I’m sweating, and all I really want is to get to my house, take a shower and relax. I had no idea where my house was, so that wasn’t happening any time soon. A couple of the guys had already been at Liquid for a few weeks, so I got to meet them. We did the whole: “It’s nice to meet you, where are you from, oh cool, what’s it like there, blabla” thing. I slightly freaked out when I realized how many Belgian people were at the shop, but I guess that’s Karma laughing at me for trying to escape from Belgium (and probably because she already knew I wouldn’t keep to any new year’s resolutions, because who keeps to those anyway?).

On my first full day at the dive shop a lot of new things got introduced to me:

1. The Market

Ooooooh the market. With local, cheap, great food. There were a few “restaurants” (a restaurant = one, MAYBE two tables and the choice of two, MAYBE three meals). We went to the market every day for lunch. It was just the best.

Have any of you ever noticed how your standard change when you travel? At home, my standards for food, comfort, clothing, … are so much higher than anywhere else in the world. We would tell each other at the market “oh, the matapa is pretty sandy today”, and literally not care and eat the whole thing. Is it just me? Please tell me some of you have experienced this. No? Just me?

2. Diving in Mozambique

More on this later.

3. Tipo Tuesdays

You know how you tell your friends: “let’s just go out for one beer”, and then this happens:

Weeeeelll that’s sort of what happened on that first night. We went to have a beer. And then one beer turned into 2. And 2 turned into 6. And suddenly we were drinking TIPO, which is local rum, and playing cardgames. Have you figured out why it’s called Tipo Tuesday yet? No? I’m sorry, I can’t help you …
Before we knew it, we ran out of Tipo, and Tommy (one of the instructors) runs home and brings this mindblowingly disgusting drink. He’d infused rum (i think?) with a bunch of spices, and usually used it for cooking, which I’m sure was really nice. To drink, not so much though. So what did we do? WE DRANK IT!
The night ended with everyone going off to the market, and me slipping away to get home. Okay, one problem: I’d only been to my house ONCE, so I kind of had no idea how far I had to walk or what exactly my house looked like. And it as dark. It was a great adventure.

The IDC

Before we get into any details: let me introduce the team: We had 2 course directors: Alina, who came all the way from Bali, and Jari, who owns Liquid. Together they got us through endless presentations, pool sessions and skills.

So, THIS IS US. We start on the left with Jari, then there’s me, in my fabulous Gucci (pronounced as “Gucki”, okay?) sunglasses, Joonatan, Stuart (“Stu”), Korneel (“Korny”), Joe (“Joe”), Stuart (“Stu”), Greg, Jerry and Alina. There was an endless battle going on between Stu and Stu to decide who was ShitStu/Stu number two, and who was the best Stu/Stu number one. I’ll let you decide for yourself. I try to stay away from politics ….

So the IDC starts, and the first thing Alina has us do, is take a “test exam”. You can imagine my reaction, I kind of freak out a little (on the inside, of course, as I’m a super cool person and I have my shit together). I HADN’T STUDIED AT ALL, OKAY.

Anyway, after that first exam, we head off into two weeks of presentations led by Jari, Alina and ourselves, more exams, and endless hours spent in the pool. Considering you have to be a qualified DM to take part in the course, you’re expected to know everything. The most important part of the IDC is learning how to be a teacher.

The presentations were daily, and mostly on the different courses, PADI standards, or on “problems” your students can have. We would each get a theory question our imaginary students got wrong, and have to prepare a presentation to help them figure out why their answer was wrong, and most importantly, help them understand that zebra pants go with everything, okay?

This would be me, mid-presentation. I made Greg try on my beloved zebra pants because he fell asleep in class. YOU HEAR THAT, I’M STRICT, NEVER FALL ASLEEP DURING ANY OF MY CLASSES!! OKAY? I’m sure Greg has a great psychologist he can refer you to. (Obviously, he didn’t fall asleep during my presentation, as they were always super fun and super interesting .. Just sayin, okay ..).

 

Every student needs a break. Even dive instructors. So in between our classes and presentations, we usually hung out in front of the classroom. A view of the ocean, with countless humpback whales breaching on the horizon. Best. Okay. Brakes. Ever.

 

Anyway, when we weren’t in class, we were probably in the pool. Not as much diving involved in an IDC as you’d expect, BUT lots and lots of pool time. I can tell you this, the pool: VERY cold. Not my favorite place in the world, okay. After our first pool session I may have gotten some chlorine in my eyes and I cried like a baby for hours after. Quick way to learn the obvious: keep ya eyes closed in tha pool, guys.

Okay, so pool sessions was where most of the work really happened. One of us would play instructor, someone else would be the divemaster, and the other losers got to play student. The “instructor” would demonstrate a skill (for example: how to clear water from your mask), and the students would have to repeat. And at least one of them, if not all, would f*ck it up – excuse my language. The instructor would have to correct them, they’d do it again, hopefully right this time, and high fives and reminders would be passed around. See the video at the end for a GREAT example of how to high five. Greg really had the high-fiving down, okay.

 

Usually, after a cold and long-ish pool session or a particularly interesting presentation, all of us would head out for lunch. Some of us would go to Mama’s, others would go to the “peanut place”, just to sweat away the calories, and others would stay at Liquid and have a healthy lunch at Happi. The nice thing about the market was that we’d usually run into people from other shops. Tofo is a VERY small town, so everybody kind of sticks together. Look at us with our backpacks. Don’t we just look like a super cute gang of nerds.

 

Okay so obviously we did do SOME diving. You don’t learn how to dive, just so you can stay in the pool, do you? Once in a while we’d head out to the ocean to practice several parts of being an instructor: how to handle a class, how to teach the rescue scenarios and how to throw up when you get sea-sick (which came in VERY handy for me, I came very close to “feeding the fishes” on a particularly wavy day, if you know what I mean … It’s easy, just go with the flow). Practicing out in the ocean was a challenge, especially in the conditions Tofo has to offer most of the time. Big waves, current and not always great visibility. BUT if you can teach here, you can probably teach anywhere.

 

Rince those ears, Greg. RINSE AWAY AWAY! You look like a fabulous diva throwing her hair around, which, let’s face it, you are.

On one of our last days of the IDC, just before everybody turned into stresspigs (#makethatthecatwise), we had all had to do an 800 m swim. After a dive, we all jumped over board and swam the (approximately) 800 m back to shore. Upon arrival, we found the PERFECT natural jaccuzi, so decided to sit around for a while. And by sit, I mean people were jumping. And by sit, I mean sand was being thrown around. And by sit, I mean some of the guys may have turned it into a bubble bath – IF YOU CATCH MY DRIFT (haha, drift).

 

The Diving

As mentioned, more on the diving in Tofo. First, it’s important to note that I didn’t do a lot of dives in Tofo, as we were mostly in the classroom or in the pool during the course. Second, the water in Tofo was COOOOOLD. Holy mac-a-roni. My five-mil, a rashguard, vest and leggings were not enough to keep me warm. Third, the limited diving that I did do, was AWESOME!!

Diving in Tofo is a little different from any other place I’ve been diving. Let me explain why. In most places you either walk into the ocean and start diving, or you hop on a boat that’ll take you to your divesite. In Tofo, neither is an option. A tractor drives onto the beach, towing the boat.

It’s a cool view, I know. So the boat is taken off the trailer and is now laying on the beach, and is WAY to heavy for us humans to push it into the water. SO, the tractor tows it into the water, just up to the point where the tractor almost drowns. After this, the greatest force of nature has to do it’s job: human muscles. We pull the boat into the water, just until the Captain shouts “ladies up”, at which point the ladies hoist themselves into the boat. As I’m no lady, I stay with the guys and pretend to help. It’s the idea that counts, right?! When the Captain says “everybody up”, everybody jumps on board and off we go!

It was the end of Humpback season when I arrived, so we’d be surrounded by breaching whales on our way to the divesites. There’s just nothing like it. This is why I came to Tofo, for the megafauna, and man, it did NOT disappoint. On one of my last days I went on my very first double tank in Tofo. FIVE HAMMERHEADS. Even in Tofo, that’s a real treat. Karma was finally back on my side and she just gave me all she had that day. (Korny, did you get that, FIVE Hammerheads. FIVE). I don’t have any videos of the Hammerheads, as they didn’t stay around to chat, so you’ll just have to believe me. Then, on the second dive, we were just diving around and enjoying life, when a Manta Ray decided to come by. THIS WAS JUST THE BEST DAY EVER.

 

Even when you’re not seeing Manta Rays or Hammerheads, you’re bound to see something great in Tofo. We snorkeled with Whalesharks multiple times as we would come across them on the way to our training site. We were training to be instructors, but every time we came across a whaleshark, it was every (wo)man to himself.

Imagine this: WHALESHARK!! WHERE’S MY MASK? HAS ANYONE SEEN MY FINS? But nobody is actually answering you, because everyone just wants to get in as quick as they can. And everyone would jump in and try to keep up with the shark. We’re good instructors, I swear.

 

After every dive, the boat has to come out of the water. There’s no jetty’s, buoys, or anything else to tie up the boat, so it has to come out. HOW? I hear you ask. Simple: you beach it.

 

In the video it looks super relaxed and easy, but you get thrown around a little every once in a while. You hop off, and there’s the tractor, ready to pull the humongous ship out of the water.

 

Social Divas

It must sound like we were absolute suckers during the IDC, and never got out of the house. Or pool, or classroom. But that’s not entirely true. Together with everybody at the shop, we built up great traditions. Newcomers (like myself) were welcome to join in on old traditions, like Tipo Tuesdays, and new traditions were made as we went along.

On the rare days that we would finish early, most of us would stay around the shop. Why go home when there’s nobody there. Stay at the shop, and try to get in on a fun dive, woohoo! Or you know, take a nap, right, Stu?

 

TRY TO GET IN A FUN DIVE, OF COURSE!!! I mean, we all love diving, otherwise we were definitely in the wrong place. And you know what?! It actually worked once or twice. We went on a great first dive with the whole team, a dive that ended because we lost our course director. That was not the best way to start off our IDC, guys. But we all made it, haha. Okay. AND we even went on some dives that didn’t end in a total and complete disaster!

 

Most of the rest of our activities included cooking. As you may have guessed, Tofo doesn’t have the biggest supermarkets. I mean, next to Walmart, there’s only this one tiny store, Mr. Fresh. So most of the things we bought came from the local market. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the market, but you always have to adjust a little to what you can find. Somehow we start the concept of Safari Dinners. I think it was Anja’s idea. She always had the best ideas. We would have dinner at a different house every time, and who-ever lived at that house, was to prepare the food. I still can’t believe what we all pulled off. Tommy made gnocchi! Greg made garlic bread (way to go, Greg). I made killer humus. Korny got Malaria! Put your hands up for Korny!! I ended up missing the last of the safari dinners, as I was on a plane back home, but man. Those dinners were tha bomb!

 

When we weren’t cooking, or at Guju’s, or at home, you know what we would do? Go out for a good old-fashioned beer. Just like normal people do.

 

Every friday after school/work/pool/whatever, the whole team went out to the Indian restaurant around the corner, Guju’s. We’d have a few drinks and would usually end up staying for the amazing fries with garlic mayo. The night before the IE was a friday, and one of those “I’ll come out for one drink” nights. After beer number 3, I ended up just leaving without saying goodbye. I HAD TO GO HOME TO SLEEP FOR THE BIG DAY.

 

The IE

After two weeks op hard work, it was finally time to prove what we were made of. The Instructor Exam had arrived. For those who have no idea how the IE works, let me tell you how ours went.

Doomsday 1

The day starts with a text message from Alina, saying that she’s gotten herself lost and has been walking in circles for over an hour. Luckily we were able to figure out where she was, and Korny went to pick her up (yay for Korny!). We all met in the classroom and had one last peptalk before we had to head out to the hotel, where the exams would take place.

Before we left, Jari handed out t-shirts that said “liquid dive family” on them, BUT they also said “instructor”. All nine of us (Matt joined in for the IE alone) REFUSED to wear the shirt, as we didn’t want to jinx our luck. Sorry Jari. I sincerely hope you’ve recovered from the shock by now.

We sat through an orientation, were handed out the skills we had to perform later that day and the next day, and started our two theory exams. The examiner gave you two thumbs up if you passed both exams, aaaaaaand … ALL OF US GOT THE DUBBLE THUMBS UP! 

Pfew, first exams of the day done. After a quick lunch we got time to prepare our skills, and by 1:30 the first group was in the water. Greg, Stu, Korny, Joe, Joonatan and me were the first group in the pool. We did a mini skill circuit of 5 skills, and all PASSED with flying colors!

The next bit of examination were the demonstrations in the pool, with “students. Let me say that this was probably one of the most horrifying moments of the weekend. I PASSED, whoohooooo. But then, Korny and I messed up really badly. Like really really badly. So badly that Joe, if you’re reading this, okay, we’re sorry. Okay? Korny and I were the students performing Joe’s skill, and we tried to hard to hover like good little students, we really did, okay! But hovering in a pool with STEEL TANKS is really hard, okay? And so we moved our fins to stabilize our positions. Aaaaand we shouldn’t have done that. So we came up, and the examiner told Joe he’d failed. I think my heart may have skipped a beat. Korny and I were told to go practice our hover while the rest did their skills (we can hover, I swear. We were just having a bad day), and Joe had to go prepare for a remake. In the end he PASSED, but no thanks to us, haha. We’re sorry Joeeeee. We can laugh about is now. I don’t know if Joe can, but I sure do.

We ended with classroom presentations, probably the easiest part of the day, and again, all passed with flying colors. We had a quick dinner and went over our open water (a.k.a. sea) skills for the next day, and went home early. What. A. Day. Okay?

Doomsday 2

The day started at 7:30 with our briefings. After everybody’s done, we head out to open sea and start the past part of our exams. Although it was the last part, it’s probably the most stressful one as there’s no remakes aloud in this section. If ya fail, ya fail.

Our group starts at the bottom with the skills, while the others are on the surface with Jari doing their rescue scenario 7. Joonatan is the first to play instructor. He has a compass skill, and does everything right with his students. He lets the first duo do the skill, then the second duo. And then, he stops. HE STOPS. All of us see what’s happening, and have no way of telling him he needs to tell the students to switch places, and do the skill again. SO HE JUST STOPS. There’s confusion all over his face, and the rest of us are looking at eachother horrified, as we all know he’s about to fail. And then he tell the examiner he’s done. And with that, he failed his IE. And he was just the first to go. Imagine having to go on after that. You’re constantly thinking: “did I miss something? Did I catch all the ‘problems’? Is everything OKAY?”. Nerve wrecking.

After our group’s done with skills, we switch with the others and head to the surface to do our rescue 7. Joonatan asks me what went wrong during his skill, and I CAN’T JUST LIE TO THE GUY, so I tell him the truth and say I think he’s failed. I know I’m not the bad person in this scenario (I’ll admit I WAS the bad guy in the Joe situation, oops), but it sure felt that way … Anyway, the rescue 7’s go perfect and I only have to duck to the bottom once for the weightbelt that Greg dropped (thanks again for that, btw – which FYI means ‘by the way’).

We head back to shore, and none of us have an idea if we passed or not. So the examiner want to discuss the results with every person in private. And of course I have to go first. WHY DID I HAVE TO GO FIRST. Well, as most of you know, I PASSED, I PASSED, I PASSED!!

You’ll be happy to know that everyone else passed as well, and as we were pronounced instructors one by one, more and more beers found their way to our hands.

 

We had a small ceremony where our “certificates of competence” were being handed out by Alina. Just look at how proud she is of each and every one of us. I love her face in all of these pictures. Take a look at the picture in the bottom right. Look how happy Stu is. You’ll also be happy to know that a week later, Joonatan retook the IE and passed, so he’s an instructor just like the rest of us!

 

After the handing out of the certificates, we sat through another classic PADI speech. What should we do next? SPEND MORE MONEY!! PADI never disappoints. Do you know what PADI stands for? Put Another Dollar in.

 

We went to the beach and had a very mandatory photoshoot. There’s LOTS of pictures of an attempt to all jump off a wall at the same time, but NONE of them turned out good. I don’t know why, but in one of the pictures I THINK I’m licking Greg’s hand. Classic Fi, don’t ask me why. It just happens. And you can’t tell me that you guys don’t like it!!

 

From that moment on, the rest of the night was just one big party. We all went to Mango Beach for dinner. By “all”, I mean literally everyone working/volunteering/DM-ing/sleeping at the diveshop. There were lots of beers involved. Oh, and delicious food.

 

The rest of the night is a little vague (don’t ask me why, okay). There was a court-session which involved bodyshots and sandypants. There was a lapdance somewhere and I’m pretty sure one of the guys was on the bar at one point, stripping. Can we just say it was a great night, and we deserved every second of it. It was one of those nights you wish you could undo, just so you can do it all again for the first time.

The Sad Goodbyes

After the IE, a few of us planned to go to punto de ouro and dive with Matt for a few days, okay, but Karma turned her back on us, as the weather was way too rough to launch any of the boats. Even in Tofo. Korny and I ended up leaving at the same time. We drove to the airport with Hanno and Eva, who were kind enough to drop us off, and watched a few movies in the airport’s one cafe, as we were way to early. We parted ways in Joburg, where I was off to Belgium, and he was off to the Maldives. Not okay.

So it’s been 8 months since I got back from Mozambique, okay, and writing this blog and seeing all the pictures and video’s had really made me miss the good ol’ times. Everybody’s kind of gone their own ways, except for Korny, who just doesn’t want to leave me alone.

Greg is in South Africa, being a killer instructor for Shark Conservation. Am I aloud to be jealous? I don’t care, I’m jealous either way. Stu is teaching at Liquid. Joe, okay, is in New Zealand, okay, and is desperate need of a new adventure. I suggest we just pack our stuff, and leave, Joe! South America? LET’S DO THIS!! Okay?

Jerry is teaching in Tofo, as that’s where he’s from. I sincerely hope you’re spreading the “AH-WAY AH-WAY” vibe in the dive industry. I have no idea what Stu and Joonatan are up to, but I sure hope they’re instructing away. As for me, I haven’t gone into teaching. Yet. I felt like I had to spend some time at home and work (haha, “work”). Be with my family and friends. Be with my dog. But looking back at all the adventures I’ve been on in the last few years, maybe going into teaching wouldn’t be the worst thing.

As per usual, I end this post with a few shout-outs. Let me start off with the seven guys that entertained me thoroughly during the IDC. You made me laugh, and I shared my peanutbutter crackers with you. I hope you realize how special that means you are. Cheers to Jerry, for always being ready with an “A-WAY A-WAY”. Cheers to Joonatan, for telling the weirdest stories. Cheers to Stu and Stu, for never giving up on calling the other ShitStu. Cheers to Greg and his love for peanuts. And peanutbutter. Cheers to Joe, for – okay – possibly being the funniest person – okay – I’ve ever met. Okay? Cheers to Korny, for being the happy little Christmas Elf you are. And for playing trivial persuit when we go out for drinks. And for secretly hating my guts every once in a while. But that’s okay, because you know what? Right back at ya, Kornichua.

Cheers to Alina. Thank you for getting lost on the day of our IE. Thank you for running into a wall on your way to the airport. Thank you for teaching us all to be instructors. Thank you for sharing your passion. And for making sure I never eat shrimp again.

Liquid Team, thank you for opening up your home to all of us. Liquid is an amazing place that anyone would be lucky to be a part of. Cheers to Satu and Jari, for making Liquid and the IDC happen. Thank you for letting me raid your instagram for some of these pictures. Cheers to Bryan, for knowing the capitol of Timor Leste, and for being the smiley face you are, every single morning. Cheers to Dawson, for being hilarious without even realizing it.

Cheers to our Safari Dinner Crew: Anja, Elin, Sarah, Tommy, Mirjam, Alex, Ole, Hanno, Eva and anyone else who made delicious food for us. Each and every one of you made my month in Tofo what it was.

And last, but definitely not least, cheers to Olaf, my favorite Scuba Puppy.

The Compilation

After all the okay’s and goodbyes, Far Away Fi is VERY EXCITED to have the new feature of videos on this blog (can you tell? I haven’t been spamming you with video’s at all …). As a very first on Far Away Fi, please enjoy this video compilation on my time during the IDC.

A blog can say a 4803 words, a picture a 1000, but a video can leave you speechless

 

(I came up with that line all by myself, thank you very much).

Hope to see you soon, Tofo.

Love,
Fi