The One With All The Snorkeltests

The Introduction

Remember last week when I told you I’ve been trying to keep people away from the bed above me? It doesn’t always work. Anyway, this is how it looks:

I’m really trying to focus here, but The Yak has a habit of playing horrible music. I’ve got this tune stuck in my head and it won’t go away (something like when you click on this link). God help me.

Just giving you a head’s up: if my writing sucks this week, it’s because of all the very very bad covers and annoying tunes they’re playing. And if it’s not that, it’s my dad’s fault. He gave me bad genes.

The People

Since my arrival two weeks ago, I’ve met so many people. People at the diveshop, people on the street and people at the hostel. PEOPLE EVERYWHERE! I feel like I haven’t said the word “people” enough: people, people, people, people, people, people … Is it me or does it sound like “peephole” more every time you say it?

Anyway, the humans (avoiding the p-word now) I’ve met so far are incredible. Since most of my time is spent in the diveshop, near the diveshop, or in the water, those are the humans I hang out with most. Upon my arrival, there were three other Divemaster students: Mina, Gian and Goose (no, not Swan). They all “graduated” this week, so for the first time in weeks, they have free time. Result? They’ve been a real bad influence on me: I went to the beach. I just lay there and did nothing. I almost feel bad. It was only once though, I swear. And I hated it! No one likes lying on the beach drinking cocktails in the sun, right?

Mina left by now and Goose is leaving this week. That just leaves Gian and me. Even my instructor, P.O., is leaving me for a week. He has to teach the stupid instructor course to stupid Gian.

At the hostel humans have been coming and going. Even Ben, the first friend I made here, left today. Nobody wants to be my friend. They should change the definition of the word “pathetic” to a description of me. Then again, there’s always new humans coming with new stories and experiences.

The Diving

A loooooooooooooooot of diving this week. I don’t really get to choose what I do every day, they just tell me what to do and I do it. My parents have been trying to get me to listen for years, don’t know what changed?

So this week I did the “24 scuba skills”, a scuba review, a DSD, a deep dive and a sharkdive. The 24 scuba skills are all the basic skills you need to know when you become a scubadiver. P.O. and I went to the pool and I had to demonstrate all the skills. It sounds easy, but I have to demonstrate them in a way that others can understand. So, go very slow, even slow people are aloud to scubadive.

The scuba review is for certified divers who haven’t been diving in a while. We go to the pool and refresh all the skills. After lunch we go on two dives. This is where the demonstrating of the skills comes into practice.

DSD stands for Discover Scuba Diving. It’s a fasttrack ticket to scubadiving for non-certified humans. If you’ve never done any diving and want to see what it’s like, DSD is the way to go. In the morning we go to the pool and go over all the basic skills and in the afternoon we go on two dives. The difference with the scuba review? Apparently DSD is for people who can’t swim. The DSD we did was for a woman who had less than average swimming skills. It eventually came down to me dragging her around the pool and almost going on a dive. She got scared in the ocean and we went back on the boat and back to shore. Short day for us. And interesting. In the words of my dad:

“Why go running when you don’t even know how to walk?”

Or crawl for that matter. I mean it guys, it was BAD.

The deep dive is literally that: you go deep. No, not emotionally, physically deep. Deep in the ocean, deep. It’s part of the Divemaster program so all the apprentices went together. We went to 42 meters and it was AWESOME! We saw two bullsharks, a turtle, huge lionfish and a stingray. At some point I was trying to figure out what my divecomputer was saying. For some reason P.O. grabbed me by fin, so I turned around. The next thing I know he’s right above me, grabbing my head and spinning me around. Can you imagine that? At least buy me dinner first … Turns out there was a shark right next me, but I was too preoccupied to notice, oops. Thanks for having my back, P.O., literally.

Last, but certainly not least, the sharkdive. It’s P.O.’s day off, so I went with one of the other instructors, Al. Amazing diver and super friendly guy (he put up with me, so he’s patient too). He gave us a short briefing about bullsharks and how the dive was going to go. We, the divers, sit in a row and he swims in front of us. Al is the ALfa of our “blue team” group. He attracts the sharks with sounds and we just sit there, smile for the camera, and watch. It’s insane: these 2-4 meter long animals are intrigued by what’s going on, so they swim all the way up to you. They want to check you out and check if we’re a danger to them or not. What can I say, at least someone is checking me out. We saw 4-5 bullsharks on just one dive. Who can say that? This was the best part of the week. I’d gladly get up at 7 again.

The Snorkeltest

This is a fun story. What do you think happens when you graduate from your divemaster? Cap and gown? No no, you get one final test: the snorkeltest. Sounds fun, right? Well, it’s not. Especially knowing that it’s coming for me too. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever been this scared of something in my entire life. Just to give you a general idea of how a snorkeltest goes, feel free to check out the video below:

Mina had her snorkeltest on wednesday. She took it really well: she only spit out half of what they gave her. The next day it was Gian’s and Goose’s turn. Gian took it like a man. If a man can be considered as a 12 year old girl … He put out the flowers the day before (#makethatthecatwise), which made him to feel quite bad. So imagine feeling sick-ish and having a liter of beer + tequila + spices + hell stuffed down your snorkel. I’d take it like a baby too. Oh, did I mention you’re also wearing a mask? Yeah, that’s right: no air for you, only nightmares. Don’t worry, I’ll let you know how many liters of tears I cry when it’s my turn.

Do you see the evil and enjoyment in Mati’s face (wearing the red Jack Sparrow hat)? CAN YOU SEE IT? Why would anyone do this to me? I’ve been a good girl.

The Food

Tonight it’s all-you-can-eat BBQ night at the hostel, so I don’t have to leave and waste time to get food. I haven’t even been out to the foodstalls to get some food poisoning. Busy week … BUT, I did discover the kitchen and made pasta. And it was heavenly. I loved it so much, I ate it for four days straight. I swear, the fact that I accidentally made 432593202 times too much food had nothing to do with it. Why don’t you believe me?

I found a great way to save some money: eat cereal for lunch! I bought a pencil box and use it as a cereal-transportation-device. People at the diveschool think I’m crazy. But in my defense, aside from the money, how great is cereal? It gets my stomach full, but not that full that I need to puke under water.

Aside from the cheap cereal, I have been trying out some other thing. I had burritos, fish tacos and pizza. Doesn’t sound bad, does it?

The Family

No, not Pablo’s family, mine. A shout out to the fam at home, keeping me up to date about everything. Seriously, I know who farted when and where.

A hug for my mom, who’s been worried sick about the cutest and sweetest puppy in the world. And, who’s been wrecking her brain on how to tell me my dog was in a world of pain. A kiss for my dad, who made me turn out well, even though he gave me bad genes. A high five for my big brother, who’s the sweetest guy you’ll ever meet. Unless he’s being annoying. Seriously, kick him in the shin when he’s being like that. A punch in the stomach for my little bro, who’s huge. A big guy with an even bigger heart.

What a stressful week. Like I said, my dog was in a world of pain. Not a fun thing to know when you’re on the other side of the world. She’s my baby. Honestly, I introduce her to humans as my daughter. Eventually she ended up having surgery. So many thing go through you’re brain at a moment like that: what if she doesn’t make it? What if she’s paralyzed? How will I kill the guy in the bunkbed above me if he doesn’t stop moving?  She’s fine now. And still cute and sweet.

Seriously, how can anyone resist that face?

The End

Okay guys, that’s it for this week. I really should get some studying done. I’ve been avoiding it for hours but my book is just staring at me. If I wait a little longer it might actually attack me.

Write you soon

Fi